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The Fuhrer is That Guy [Dec. 29th, 2009|03:03 am]
[Current Music |The Shop Assistants - Big E Power | Powered by Last.fm]

10:18:02 PM QuestionerXX: Also, RPG.net is usually terrible
10:18:10 PM QuestionerXX: but it's not blocked by work's firewall
10:18:28 PM QuestionerXX: and the "Real weapons that look like they're designed by PC's" is amazing for me, as a weapons nerd
10:18:39 PM Mark Argent: link me
10:18:56 PM Mark Argent: speaking of rpg.net, Christmas eve I was so bored I went back to Tangency
10:19:10 PM QuestionerXX: http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=479022
10:19:47 PM QuestionerXX: speaking of depression, Christmas eve I was so bored I went back to drinking
10:19:56 PM Mark Argent: I think yours was less harmful
10:20:11 PM QuestionerXX: just wanted to inject some perspective
10:21:21 PM Mark Argent: this thread is AMAZING
10:21:31 PM Mark Argent: the HWACHA
10:21:42 PM QuestionerXX: I just love it because, god damn, if you think about these items in that context
10:21:51 PM QuestionerXX: they go from chortle funny to laugh out loud funny
10:22:29 PM QuestionerXX: and I picture an engineer who was approached with a set of blue prints
10:22:39 PM QuestionerXX: making exactly the same face as your DM
10:23:07 PM Mark Argent: hahahah
10:23:11 PM QuestionerXX: but, what The Fuhrer wants The Fuhrer gets
10:23:20 PM Mark Argent: right
10:23:28 PM Mark Argent: god, the axeguns and cleaver guns
10:23:39 PM Mark Argent: and the knife made of knives
10:23:43 PM QuestionerXX: So, I guess I'm saying that The Fuhrer can add "being that guy in your Shadowrun game" to his list of crimes against humanity
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fontographer at the gates of hell [Dec. 27th, 2009|05:02 am]
12:58:47 AM Mark Argent: do you think that if you printed an entire edition of the Bible in comic sans, you'd go to Hell?
12:59:32 AM Mark Argent: like, there are some things that God can't countenance in his name
12:59:39 AM QuestionerXX: Hey, some of the earliest texts were copied onto Papyrus so why not?
12:59:44 AM QuestionerXX: *rimshot*
1:00:03 AM Mark Argent: wah wah waaaaaah
1:00:08 AM QuestionerXX: old testament? Hell
1:00:35 AM Mark Argent: like, I saw this big sticker across some dude's windshield today
1:00:37 AM Mark Argent: GOD IS GREAT
1:00:41 AM QuestionerXX: New Testament, more laid back
1:00:43 AM Mark Argent: in this ridiculous cartoon bubble font
1:00:47 AM Mark Argent: and I'm thinking
1:00:54 AM Mark Argent: maybe God wouldn't be okay with cartoon bubble fonts
1:01:00 AM Mark Argent: like, I know God is love and all that
1:01:09 AM Mark Argent: but God's love stops abruptly at Comic Sans
1:01:12 AM QuestionerXX: But it's like "Don't push it"
1:01:44 AM QuestionerXX: Really, the only way to know for sure is to print it and see if the page sets fire or not
1:01:56 AM QuestionerXX: maybe not scientific as all that, but I think it's a solid theory as any
1:03:03 AM Mark Argent: like, it doesn't matter how close to the word of God it is
1:03:08 AM Mark Argent: closest translation ever
1:03:28 AM Mark Argent: most tolerant and accepting and loving and truest version of the Bible ever
1:03:32 AM Mark Argent: Comic Sans? go to hell.
1:03:54 AM Mark Argent: Saint Peter all shaking his head at you as you're cast into the Pit
1:04:19 AM Mark Argent: Satan going a little easy on you the first couple days because he knows what you're in for
1:04:39 AM QuestionerXX: You answer "What are you in for?" and the whole room gasps and then goes silent
1:04:49 AM QuestionerXX: Hitler suddenly can't think of anything to say
1:05:35 AM Mark Argent: the great tyrants of history all turn their back on you as one
1:06:28 AM QuestionerXX: The guy who invented comic sans offers a cheerful hello before he's tossed back into the hell of being consumed my maggots
1:06:29 AM QuestionerXX: by
1:06:57 AM QuestionerXX: even he is pretty much skating his way through hell at this point, however
1:09:14 AM Mark Argent: you show up at the gates of hell and say what you're in for, and there's a sound of a needle scratching a record like a thousand iron talons scraping across a field of slate
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snöwgnarök [Dec. 24th, 2009|05:45 am]
Friday, I mocked the winter gods. "Whatever," I said to anyone in earshot. "Winter never really happens here. We get a serious snowstorm maybe once or twice a decade, and it's not going to happen this year. In fact, we may never see snow again, thanks to climate change." Well, snow and behold, snöwgnarök was the shit icing on the 2009 crap cake. Somehow I made it home from work in the driving slush and found a parking space, to boot. I spent all of Saturday lazing around, playing vijemogames and reading comic books, as is my wont, but even moreso due to the snow. Some time in the afternoon, Frodo, the other night shift guy called me. (Frodo is Frodo because he's very, very short.) "I'm completely snowed in," Frodo said. "So am I," I replied. "I can't cover for you." Robocop, the day shift NOC supervisor, ended up covering the overnight shift for Frodo on Saturday. (Robocop is Robocop because he has a plate in his head.)

Sunday, I dug my car out because L needed a ride to work. When I got back, Frodo called me, still snowed in, so I went back to work. The company owner had covered the day shift on Sunday because the day shift person was out sick, or snowed in, or something. (The company owner is the company owner because he is the company owner.) So there I am, covering Sunday night's shift, no problem. 7am Monday morning rolls around, no relief arrives. Called day shift, and she is so sickly that she sounds like her phone is breaking up. Maybe her phone was breaking up, who knows. Anyway, called Robocop to let him know day shift wasn't coming in. Robocop says he'll be in shortly, he just has to find his car, he thinks it may have been moved for the snowplows. Fifteen minutes later, he calls back. "My car's been stolen." It's worth noting at this point that the Robocopmobile is a dirty white beat-to-shit 199x Jeep somethingorother with five working cylinders out of six. Whoever steals the Robocopmobile is a masochist on multiple levels.

Robocop calls the company owner to have him cover day shift again, which he does, showing up at about 9am. Some time during the wait, I text Frodo, asking him to tell me that he can work that night. Frodo replies that he's still snowed in, and I have to cover Monday night as well. When I come in that night, the company owner lets me know he'll be coming in to work Tuesday's day shift as well, which strikes me as odd, but not unwelcome. Tuesday morning rolls around, day shift person calls to rasp at me that she'll be unavailable today, as well. I inform her that I'm not the person she should notify, as I'm neither Robocop nor the company owner. But as it turns out, day shift person never called either of those people to let them know of her absence on Sunday, so day shift person no longer works here.

None of this was an enormous problem, just un-fun and not how I wanted to spend my weekend. But I didn't have to work last night, which was a relief, and now I've got my shifts on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day covered in advance.
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snöwgnarök [Dec. 19th, 2009|06:33 am]

photo.jpg
Originally uploaded by mark.argent.

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snöwgnarök [Dec. 19th, 2009|06:32 am]

snowgnarok
Originally uploaded by mark.argent.

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that is not spearmint which can be eternally chewed [Dec. 5th, 2009|10:42 am]
[Current Music |The Soft Boys - Insanely Jealous | Powered by Last.fm]

haven't posted one of these in a while.

10:18:45 AM Mark Argent: what I'm saying is that there is refreshment man was not meant to know
10:19:47 AM John Booty: a modern icarus, flying a little too close to the refreshment sun
10:19:51 AM Mark Argent: yes
10:19:53 AM Mark Argent: yes!
10:19:58 AM Mark Argent: that's what I'm getting at
10:20:19 AM Mark Argent: like reading passages from the Mentholnomicon
10:20:20 AM John Booty: Like firing York Peppermint Patties out of a cannon directly into your hypothalamus
10:21:04 AM Mark Argent: a cool mintiness from outside time and space
10:21:19 AM John Booty: Having your legs blown off by an improvised explosive device filled with mint Tic-Tacs instead of nails
10:21:30 AM Mark Argent: a summer breeze like the flapping of great, star-speckled black wings
10:22:34 AM John Booty: A Cenobite with peppermint candy canes instead of pins
10:22:48 AM Mark Argent: or mint-infused toothpicks, yes
10:23:03 AM John Booty: haha I felt refreshed just speaking of this
10:23:13 AM John Booty: MENTHOLNOMICON
10:24:32 AM Mark Argent: the Mentholnomicon, forbidden tome of cool refreshing secrets
10:24:53 AM Mark Argent: its binding is alive...with pleasure
10:27:04 AM John Booty: Each page contains that which should never be known, thoughts which cause a man to go mad with terror. Except for the last fifty pages, which are perforated coupons for Shamrock Shakes.
10:27:55 AM Mark Argent: coupons printed on human skin
10:28:16 AM John Booty: Actually, it is just the regular necronomicon except for the human-skin shake coupons
10:28:35 AM John Booty: Like even the same ISBN number
10:29:21 AM Mark Argent: it's a variant
10:29:30 AM John Booty: International Satanic Breathmint Number
10:29:37 AM Mark Argent: if you order a hundred necronomicons, you get a mentholnomicon
10:29:53 AM Mark Argent: collectors try to keep them in MINT condition
10:29:55 AM Mark Argent: oh god kill me
10:30:01 AM John Booty: HAHAHAfd fk gkbjgb
10:30:08 AM Mark Argent: uuuuuuugh
10:30:20 AM John Booty: It's all over. That was the logical climax to this line of whimsy.
10:30:23 AM Mark Argent: now I need to use a wet wipe on my brain
10:30:32 AM Mark Argent: to get rid of the sticky pun residue
10:31:02 AM John Booty: Mental equivalent of embarrassed 14 year-old sticky post-masturbation hands
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am I not what I own? [Nov. 26th, 2009|06:34 am]
[Current Music |John Hegley & The Popticians - I Saw My Dinner On TV | Powered by Last.fm]

Forgot to post last week. My unstated goal was to post every Wednesday, during my 1am to 7pm half-shift, but getting myself to write blog entries of a reasonable length is tooth-pullingly difficult as of late. So of course I'm working on a new blogging project to start in January. I think I started working on one of those around this time last year, too, but in the immortal words of the Great Moose Sage: "This time for sure!"

Due to a scheduling fuck-up on my part, I'm missing family Thanksgiving in Queens and hanging out with Joanne in Brooklyn. This sucks, but it's entirely my fault. Thanksgiving dinner will be courtesy Trader Joe's this year.

I am pretty close to being done unpacking, I think. Just have to move some stuff around, build the 5x5 EXPEDIT shelf I use for kitchen storage, and then stock it. We had to put a shelf up in the kitchen because there isn't enough cabinet space, and now there's only enough room for one person in the kitchen at a time. I'm pretty sure it would be that way without the shelf, though. I think I may have too much kitchen stuff. For example: ramekins. I own three or four ramekins. I've never used a ramekin and I may never use a ramekin. But I own multiple ramekins. I have a glass box/jar thing with no discernible purpose. That, and the ramekins, are going to the Goodwill pile. I have five metal mixing bowls and three glass ones and each of them is of just the right size for certain tasks, though I could probably ditch the one big enough to pick up signals from Jupiter and not lose a whole lot of sleep over it. I have two grill pans: one cast iron, one non-stick. I probably don't need the non-stick, but what if I do? But if I use the cast iron one enough, it will eventually become seasoned to the point of non-stick-ness, or at least non-stick enough for grill pan purposes.

Am I a hoarder? While I'm not going to die under a pile of old newspapers any time soon, I do have my extensive library of books and other media, and I attach sentimental value to perhaps too many objects that do not deserve that sentiment. But the advent of the phone camera has granted me an amazing anti-hoarding power: if I see something available for purchase that is absolutely fucking ridiculous, like High School Musical cereal, an Incredible Hulk-themed toothbrush where the handle is a figurine of the Hulk standing upon a tall pile of rocks, or a princess piggy bank with tiara and tutu, rather than buying it in order to show it off to people, I can just take a photo instead. While I mildly regret not buying the princess piggy bank, I already have a much more space-efficient piggy bank, and nobody really needs two piggy banks. It takes me long enough to fill the one, and I could probably make a tiara and tutu for it cheaply and easily, if I were truly inclined to do so.
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why my campaign and I failed to launch [Nov. 11th, 2009|05:32 am]
[Current Music |Kirsty Hawkshaw - B1-Fine Day James Holden-Mix-P | Powered by Last.fm]

First, I picked a crap day to do it. Tuesdays aren't good for me, at all. I work at 1am on Wednesday morning, and I thought that I could do all my prep work over Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, get some rest Tuesday afternoons, run the game in the evening and go straight to work afterward. I don't know exactly what I was thinking, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. What I ended up doing was putting off game planning until Tuesday morning, spending half the day in a panic of insufficient preparation, getting no rest, mentally stalling out when people actually showed up at my house, and defaulting to Munchkin. I'm not against the idea of a Tuesday game night, I just can't be the guy running it.

Second, the freeform wilderness exploration/dungeon crawl format wasn't really suited for this group, or for me. On reflection, I realize that the Western Marches format is too ambitious for me after not DMing regularly for over a decade, and that I need to run a more structured game experience to knock some of the rust off my DMing skills. So when/if the game picks up again, or I restart it, or find another group, or whatever, I'll probably just run one of the many commercially available adventure paths or megadungeons.

Another ambition-related problem was that I decided that, for the central adventures, I'd convert a module from one D&D variant (Hackmaster, a semi-satirical variant of AD&D 2nd edition) to another (Pathfinder, the most stable branch of the 3rd edition source tree). This was hilariously over-reaching, and not something I should have been trying to do on the fly.

Third, certain elements of my life -- finding a new apartment and getting us into it -- went to screaming hell in August, September, and October. It took a long time to find a suitable apartment, it took a long time to get us into that apartment once I found it, and now it's taking a long time to unpack and get my home suitable for visitors.

Fourth, the crux of the problem and the reason I'm posting about any of this at all is that I get paralytically anxious when faced with social situations. This is different, as I see it, from being anxious in social situations, because once I actually get to where I'm supposed to be, everything's fine, or mostly fine, but before that, the anxiety can become literally overwhelming. Assuming I haven't just crapped out entirely, I'm almost always late to everything, because as the hour approaches, I worry, I dither, I procrastinate, I hyper-focus on certain things and get distracted from others. I worry a lot. I worry that out of sight means out of mind. I worry about being boring, or tedious, or repulsive, or annoying. I worry about things even more arcane and pointless. Again, once the moment arrives, I'm fine. It's getting to the moment that terrifies me. But I've failed people and lost touch with entire social circles because of this anxiety. If you're one of those people, I'm sorry. Mea culpa. Please forgive me. I will work on this and try to do better in future.
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hello november. [Nov. 4th, 2009|04:16 am]
Laurelin got a job at Ulta in downtown Silver Spring a couple months ago. Last weekend we moved from Silver Spring to Bethesda, where strangely, the rent is lower. Packing was horrible, moving was stupid, unpacking is dreadful, and I never want to perform any of these activities ever again. I've moved four times in my life, and was usually able to pull it off as a long-term project, bringing over a few things every week until comfortably ensconced in my cocoon of books and tchotchkes. It's painful to admit this, but I strongly value familiarity. When I was much younger I thought I wanted to be the kind of person who can go anywhere they want, any time they want, but it turns out that new places actually disturb me. Everyone looks at me strangely, my apartment is strangely shaped, things aren't where I need them to be, the supermarket is laid out in a different and disconcerting floor plan. But even though I still don't know where my deodorant and razor are, life is beginning to re-normalize, as the box level in the living room recedes and my property is restored to me, lighting and furniture are arranged and rearranged to my liking, and the utilities are reconnected, piecemeal, the new place is slowly becoming less hotelic and more homely.
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and furthermore [Aug. 31st, 2009|06:32 pm]
Even though Warner has its own stable of iconic characters (Bugs, Daffy, etc), the company has never really viewed those characters as anything other than highly versatile cash cows, and they view the DC characters the same way, which is why things like the Joel Bruckheimer Batman movies happen, or you hear about Superman movies that never happened where he knows Matrix-style wire fu or fights polar bears and giant robot spiders. As a corporate culture, Warner has only recently started to understand the value of not diluting the brand, whereas Disney has always cared very strongly about the integrity and consistency of their character-based IP. This is why you never saw Mickey with a screwface and fat gold chains, at least not officially.
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on Disney buying Marvel [Aug. 31st, 2009|05:55 pm]
Marvel didn't get bought out because they're doing badly. Marvel got bought out because they're doing well. If this had happened fifteen years ago, when Marvel was at its absolute lowest creative and financial point, Marvel would've been gutted for its most prominent IP and sold for parts, but Marvel's been doing pretty much everything right for the past decade. Marvel's got the best creative minds in comics working with some of the most recognizable properties in the genre. Disney is not composed of panicky, ham-handed morons and knows better than to mess with a good thing. The deal with Marvel will look a lot like the deal with Pixar: Disney gives them money to keep doing what they do best, Marvel does what Marvel's gonna do, and everyone makes money. Now shut up and read your comics.
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Transformers/Heavy Metal double feature, AFI Silver, 8/29/2009 [Aug. 30th, 2009|02:31 am]
[Current Music |Grails - Burden Of Hope | Powered by Last.fm]

Don't get popcorn at the AFI Silver, at least if you're going to a late show. Blech.

Transformers: the Movie does not get enough love these days.

- The first and final third of the movie has some really impressive animation and backgrounds. All the Unicron scenes pre-transformation were gorgeously unearthly to the point of being almost entirely unsuitable for this movie, but they made me really excited that I was going to watch Heavy Metal in about an hour and a half.

- I could not help but burst out laughing when the narrator said "It is the year 2005" at the beginning of the movie.

- Like most kids' movies made before a certain point (probably Toy Story), I found myself reimagining much of the dialogue as I watched. I'm somewhat proud and only slightly ashamed to say that most of it was not along the lines of "Choke on my fuck, Decepticon whore" or Megatron calling Starscream an insipid little queen.

- I also found myself thinking of the Autobot Matrix of Leadership as "the budget" (as in, where most of the effects budget went) until Galvatron shows up with it on a chain around his neck, at which point it became "the Cosmic Pimp Cup". There are lots of lines that would have been infinitely better if they'd said "the budget" or "the Cosmic Pimp Cup" instead of "the Matrix."

- There is a battle sequence with a giant robot squid that I don't even remember from when I was a kid.

- It never occurred to me that the Junkions were supposed to be reminiscent of the motorcycle gang members from the Mad Max films, but I've got twenty-odd more years of cultural literacy now.

- Wheelie riding on Grimlock's back is highly reminiscent of Kirby's Devil Dinosaur and Moon-Boy. I reimagined what few lines Wheelie had as being more like Moon-Boy's dialogue and was much happier with the results.

- Best line that I didn't understand as a kid? When Grimlock the Dinobot says to Kup (old veteran Autobot voiced by Lionel Stander), "Tell Grimlock about petro-rabbits again."

Overall, Transformers is a shitty movie with more plot holes than plot, but it's a shitty movie that, when projected onto an enormous screen in a dark movie theatre, was able to get me to suspend most of my disbelief and feel ten years old again for roughly ninety minutes. So it's got that going for it. Not everything has to be the Hurt Locker.

Where Transformers made me feel about twenty years younger, Heavy Metal was like a time machine to the early '80s. First off, the showing was at midnight, which is really the most appropriate time to see Heavy Metal in a theater. Second, the print was gorgeously scratched, as all midnight movies should be. Third, the audience was...eclectic. I kept hearing these weird hydraulic sounds throughout the movie, and I realized about halfway through that someone was on an oxygen tank, and their companion was probably neurologically atypical. Or maybe it was the crazy person on oxygen, whatever, but they were talking at full volume to the screen accompanied by alien hissing at irregular intervals. I hated it until I decided it was awesome and an important part of the experience.

Midnight movies and exploitation flicks don't get made anymore, not really. The B-movies that still get made get released directly to DVD because there aren't enough independent theaters to release them to. They also seem really quaint. Tarantino & Rodriguez's Grindhouse misses the point: you can't make an exploitation flick now because the entire culture is exploitative; both the aesthetic and the subject matter (monsters, revenge, fantasy, sci-fi, topless chicks etc) have been co-opted by the mainstream.

I'd love to do something like this more often. I wish there were more theaters around here that did midnight movie revivals. Movie nights at home are fun, but they're just not the same.
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A Man's Got To Know His Limitations, Briggs [Jul. 23rd, 2009|02:52 am]
Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure (Nintendo DS) has a rich, chocolatey platform game in the Metroid/Castlevania vein on the top screen, a smooth, creamy, peanut-buttery match-three puzzle game on the bottom screen, and what you do on one screen affects the other. This is definitely one of those games that could sound far better in theory than in execution, but the two halves of the game come together in a delicious confection that is only enhanced by the zany storybook-steampunk visuals along with a script, score, and sound effects worthy of the greatest Saturday morning cartoons. But Hatsworth is a harsh mistress: I'm about four-fifths of the way through the game, and I don't see myself getting much further than I already have without some serious grinding, because while the puzzle element rarely introduces new elements and so is never terribly difficult, the platforming portion hits a cliff-like difficulty curve in the fourth world. And the problem with grinding in Hatsworth is that repeating a level is almost never as rewarding as doing it the first time, so you feel every turn of the grinder. And while there are hidden levels with greater rewards, even the first hidden level in the first world is as difficult as the later standard levels. If you've decided that grinding is necessary to finish the game, don't make grinding unrewarding. Grinding is, by definition, tedious. The results should be worthwhile.

Beyond Good and Evil (PS2/Xbox/NGC) has a different problem. While it's a fairly short game, there's a wide variety of in-game activities: fighting, exploring, sneaking, even photography...and vehicle racing. There are maybe two points in the game where you need to win a couple of races to progress in the game. The first two vehicle races are very forgiving. The second pair of races are not. Again, I've hit that wall where my skills aren't up to the task even with all the power-ups I can currently acquire in the game, but to add insult to injury, unlike every other activity in the game, there's no point to the vehicle races except to move on to the next part of the story. You can expend resources (to buy power-ups) to win the races, but winning the races doesn't reward you with more resources to use in the rest of the game. Beyond is very much worth playing, and probably worth finishing if you care to hack it. It has a likable, capable female protagonist who doesn't get bogged down in contrived love stories or require constant support from the male members of the cast, themselves likable characters that you grow to care for, even if it's more beneficial, in-game, to give the protagonist all the best gear. The aesthetic is like Metal Hurlant come to life, an immersive Eurotoon experience that truly deserves the adjective "cinematic". But I'm just not going to be able to finish the game, because of this stupid vehicle race. If (a) there is a part of your game which (b) is entirely unlike the rest of the game (c) at which the player has to succeed in order to progress further in the game, either give the player the opportunity to bypass this part of the game, OR KILL YOUR FUCKING DARLING AND CUT THAT PART OF THE GAME. You want people to see the end of the game you worked so hard on, let me clue you in: having to do something that I am simply not good at, and having to do it four or five dozen times, doesn't make me inclined to finish the game at all, even in the unlikely event that I even get over that wall.

Meanwhile, Fallout 3 is never difficult. Ever. This is a whole different kind of tedium. On the surface, Fallout looks like a game that will require careful planning and management of scarce resources. But scarcity, as it turns out, is solely for NPCs. Expendables - money, medicine, ammunition - are fairly thick on the ground, and advancement is lightning-fast and caps far too early, even with the expansion. It's not just easy to max out your character before finishing the main storyline and exploring even a tenth of the map, it's practically guaranteed. Unless you just skip the beginning areas entirely, you gain a safe home base very early in the game, which provides you with unlimited storage, uninterrupted rest and gadgets that duplicate all the mod cons that were ostensibly lost in the nuclear fires. So it rapidly becomes clear that Fallout 3 is not even remotely about verisimilitude, or even the illusion of post-nuclear struggle. It's about atmosphere, purely style over substance, and I'm fairly sure the series has always been this way, even back in the days of Wasteland. You start out fairly badass and become even more of a badass as you stride across the Capital Wasteland like a titan, guns a-blazin', grenades a-lobbin' and sledgehammers a-swingin'. I enjoy this. I actually enjoy this a lot. And maybe I'm just overly-immersed in the "old school revolution" currently sweeping the tabletop RPG blogosphere, but I can't help but feel like there's a missed opportunity here, that an RPG of meticulously-planned exploration of a dangerous world, cautious resource management, small-unit tactics and empire building could actually be a lot of fun and an interesting change from the current lone badass model of electronic RPGs.
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upcoming entries [Jul. 22nd, 2009|04:45 pm]
- The Wilderlands of High Weirdness
- Shadowrun: 1989
- A Man's Got To Know His Limitations, Briggs: On coming up hard against the limits of my video game skills done!
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on the dead or dying old New Media beat [Jul. 3rd, 2009|11:57 pm]
[Current Music |OutKast - Liberation | Powered by Last.fm]

Livejournal

There doesn't seem to be a single OSX-compatible lj client currently in active development. For that matter, the main Windows clients seem to be fucked as well, and there seems to be no respectable client for mobiles other than iPhone, either. So now I just post from the update page. This is just kind of emblematic of how lj is becoming a ghost town in favor of Facebook. I realize I'm behind the curve in realizing this, but if you only used your lj or blog to linkfarm or post quiz results, then Facebook is really, really seductive. Sharing stuff on Facebook is infinitely easier than anywhere else. And if you still enjoy writing longer open letter-style entries, just sync your blog up with Facebook Notes and it'll simulpost. Not that I'm sure anyone reads my Facebook Notes.

But Livejournal has built-in community features that Blogger and similar blogging services not based on the lj codebase just don't provide, and that makes it great for one particular group of people: writers. SF and fantasy writers who can't be arsed to set up their own websites or blogs love lj, and so do fans. Facebook is good for companies, but Livejournal -- and blogging -- is good for individuals who need to self-promote. Blogger has no greater community as such, just a bunch of smaller ones, but at the same time, you don't have to worry about some out-of-touch community manager fucking with your content, which periodically happens on lj, often causing a great kerfuffle among the gypsy-skirted and fursuited.

Anyone know what's up with Dreamwidth? And Deadjournal, Insanejournal, Greatestjournal, Xanga...dead, alive, or zombified?

Twitter

Right now, in terms of media exposure compared to how useful it is for most people, Twitter is about where Second Life was in 2007. I have one solitary friend who uses it to notify people of her geographic location, a la "hey, I'm here, come hang out with me" (which, considering her tragic history of attracting batshit crazy stalker types, strikes me as kind of unwise, but whatever), which I think was sort of the original intent behind Twitter and other, now-forgotten SMS-focused microbroadcast services. (In the alternate universe where they WAIS to find out about Google, someone posts a Jaiku wondering whatever happened to Twitter.) But for most people, Twitter is mostly about having an internet-capable thought balloon over your head. Blogging is all well and good, but frankly, if you can't communicate succinctly enough to use Twitter effectively, you probably aren't a very good blogger in the first place. @replies and #hashtags add to Twitter's independent utility, but I find the broadest audience by using Twitter to update my Facebook status.

Oh right. You know what else Twitter is good for? Fictional characters and celebrities. (The difference in 2009 may be academic, but that's outside of my headspace right now.) Twitter is rapidly eating what Facebook has left behind of MySpace's lunch in that arena. Which leads to...

MySpace

Does anyone still use MySpace with great enthusiasm and regularity? (I know I've got someone who works for MySpace on my friendslist, so maybe she can enlighten me/us.) About three to five years ago, MySpace's killer app was audio and video. If you were a recording artist or comedian, setting up a MySpace was significantly easier than setting up a website on free hosting, and had the potential to reach a wider audience, as well. I mean, I know it's got Murdoch money behind it, so that's something, but are actual people still using it, having conversations and dicking around with their profile pages, or have all the kids moved on to Facebook? Like, I know MySpace has applications too, but is anyone using them? They look positively shitty.

The problem with MySpace, as I see it, was that it was never about having a conversation. MySpace thought customization was enough, like having pin-ups and mixtapes in your internet hall locker is worth fuck-all unless there's someone to share them with. Facebook took MySpace's profiles and let them talk to each other. This should be the ultimate lesson that all future social applications should take away: people want to tell you who they are, and they want to talk to other people. If you give people the latter, they will find ways to do the former, but the former won't survive without the latter.
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iPhone, two weeks later [Jul. 3rd, 2009|11:13 pm]
[Current Music |日比野則彦 - Battle in the Base | Powered by Last.fm]

Dear Apple,

I've been able to change my system sounds in both Windows and Mac OS from the very beginning, so what the fuck do you mean I can't replace my system sounds on my iPhone without jailbreaking it? Just to get Nintendo sounds onto my iPhone? Guess I'm strapping on the eyepatch and hoisting the fucking Jolly Roger one more goddamn time, then. Look: You have the most popular mobile communications platform on the planet in your paws. I think you could get away with slapping the carriers around a little at this stage in the game. Cowboy up.

Also, that whole thing with the Apple Display not having any inputs other than mini-DVI and USB? Not overly pleasing to me, especially not with these weird sound issues. Am seriously considering my options here.

On the plus side, I found a weird little free application to enable Japanese emoticons in SMS, so that's something. I don't do well with restrictions on my expensive electronics. I pay for it, I should be able to do whatever the fuck I want with it, preferably for free.

I moved about 20gb of music onto my iPhone. For some of you, this is larger than your entire library. For me, this is adequate walkin'-around music. The iPhone doesn't have album shuffle, which is actually fairly important to me. Sometimes I don't know what I want to listen to, but I do enjoy listening to entire albums in sequence, even the tracks I'm not the biggest fan of. Track shuffle's okay, but not all of the music I listen to comes off well as single tracks. You have to listen to the music in the context of the whole album. So the iPod still wins out as my ~1000 CD jukebox, for now.
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Why I finally sucked it up and bought an iPhone [Jun. 19th, 2009|07:21 pm]
Montgomery Mall in Bethesda, MD has an Apple store in the central thoroughfare of the mall, and an AT&T store just outside the food court. The Apple store had a line of fifty or more people. The AT&T store had a line of about ten. I got my iPhone in about forty-five minutes, half of that in line, and it only took that long because I had to migrate from T-Mobile to AT&T.

Save for a dalliance with a vapid little chiclet of a Sony Ericsson in 2003, I've been a Nokia user since my first phone in 2001. Nokia used to make some very pretty and functional phones. My 3650 was a workhorse that I still hold on to for emergencies. I loved that phone, a perfect combination of simplicity and functionality. But my later Nokias were too much phone for the phone, if you catch my drift. While they both had decent ancillary functions, they were terrible phones. The N93 started rebooting sporadically after a firmware update, the N95 had a terrible battery life, and both were slower than dirt. They just didn't have the processor power or memory to run even the most basic functions at an acceptable speed, much less any add-on software. I got sick of owning phones that choked on simple Java applications. An $800 phone should be able to run a 2mb Java gmail client.

I felt the first version of the iPhone wasn't at all ready for primetime, and even the 3G was lacking in a couple of areas. With the iPhone 3GS release, the iPhone finally has the high-quality camera I require in a smartphone, and the basic functions that were unacceptably missing from the first two OS releases (MMS, cut & paste, and tethering) are now available in iPhone OS 3.0. And I wanted something that would just work, in the same way that my iMac and iPod just work. So, the iPhone.

This thing is the device I've been waiting for pretty much since childhood. It may not be an Ono-Sendai Cyberspace 7 cyberdeck, but it's got a high-speed wireless internet connection, a 3 megapixel camera and a video camera, Google Maps with GPS, media capabilities, SMS, instant messenger, hundreds of useful (and not very useful) free applications, and if you're so inclined you can even make phone calls with it. (I actually got the minimal voice plan, as I don't seem to make more than 90 minutes of phone calls a month, and AT&T has rollover minutes anyway, so within a month I'd have more minutes than I'd probably ever need.) I'd been coveting a netbook for a while, but I think this scratches that itch for me. At least until Apple comes out with a 10" Macbook.
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But what you really want to see me write about is video games. [May. 4th, 2009|11:13 pm]
I bought Puzzle Quest: Galactrix for my Nintendo DS back in March. The original Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords is basically a fantasy roleplaying game that uses Bejeweled as its combat system. It's available for just about every imaginable platform, and I recommend it without reservation. Sadly, I can't do the same for Galactrix, which moves this formula into a sci-fi/space opera setting. The "match three" puzzle game gains a new dimension with hex-shaped tiles that are affected by "gravity" depending on where the battle is occurring. Here, try the demo online! So I enjoyed what I was able to play of the game, but the DS version, at least, has a game-killing bug that forced me to restart the game multiple times. After the third restart, I got fed up and returned the game to Gamestop. Gamestop's normal policy is that opened games can only be exchanged for the same game after seven days, but I showed them the bug in action and they made an exception. Taking your DS with you everywhere can, in fact, pay off.

So I exchanged Galactrix for Retro Game Challenge, also for the Nintendo DS, which is an absolute masterpiece. The premise of the game is that you've been sent back in time to the '80s by an evil video game master who found himself uploaded to the internet, and the only way to get back to your home time period is to endlessly play video games with this video game master's younger self. Why...why, yes, this is a Japanese game! How could you tell? In fact, it's vaguely based on a Japanese reality show, Game Center CX. In the show, a middle-aged Japanese man plays old video games and records his progress. There have been eleven seasons of this show. This is apparently great television in Japan. Think of that, next time you're faced with America's Best Dance Crew. Which I love. Shut up. Don't you judge me. Don't you fucking judge me.

Anyway, you're playing these NES-style games of various genres, trying to meet the master's challenges. As you beat the challenges, you unlock "magazines" that have hints, cheat codes, and previews of the upcoming games you'll be playing once you complete the current game's challenges. Once you beat the current game's challenges, you get access to the full game and a new game, with a whole new set of challenges, and the whole process starts over again.

It's not just that Retro Game Challenge is a compilation of eight all-new NES-style minigames, including a fairly in-depth Dragon Quest/Dragon Warrior-like RPG, that you've never played before. Though, if I can digress for a minute, that is pretty brilliant. Rather than seek out licenses or dig up old Bandai Namco properties, the developers created all new minigames that are similar, though not identical, to popular games of the 8-bit era. I'm thinking specifically of the Robot Ninja Haggle Man levels of Retro Game Challenge, which combine the aesthetics and gameplay elements of multiple side-scrolling action games, from Super Mario Bros to Mega Man to Shinobi and Elevator Action, without making an obvious clone of any of them. Haggle Man is clever enough to be spin off into its own title.

What pushes Retro Game Challenge above another shovelware minigame compilation or retro archive is the achievement-focused gameplay and the gentle fun poked at video game history and fan culture. I'm a big fan of the Xbox 360's Achievements feature, the platform-spanning metagame that awards points and medals based on the various things you accomplish in a game. Having a higher Gamerscore doesn't entitle you to gameplay or real world benefits. You don't get to trade in Gamerscore points. They just sit there on your Xbox Live profile, indicating nothing more than what games you've played and what you've done in them. And, as I do many other meaningless things, I love them. I love that the possibility of unlocking another Achievement makes me want to dig out games I haven't played in months. I love the little "bloop" noise made when you unlock an Achievement, especially when the parameter to unlock it is difficult. I love comparing my Gamerscore to that of the other people on my friends list. And even though the PS3 now has a similar "Trophies" metagame, when faced with the choice of getting a game that's available for multiple platforms, I'll invariably choose the Xbox 360 version, just for the possibility of getting more Achievements.

The script also deserves a special note. To the translators' credit, Retro Game Challenge doesn't exhibit the usual JAPANESE IS WACKY MOON PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TALK GOOD ENGLISH GOOD that so many writers fall back on when importing uniquely Japanese artifacts to the West. While the premise of the game is OMG WACKY, the script itself is fairly straightforward, with a gentle, kid-friendly humor. When it refers to gamer/japanerd in-jokes, it does so without big neon signs and megaphones screaming HUR HUR DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE HUR HUR HUUUURRRRRRRR? And surprisingly, you find yourself becoming immersed in this one-room world the designers have created, looking forward to the latest issue of "Game Fan Magazine", chock full of screenshots, previews, cheat codes and release dates of the next eagerly-anticipated game that you'll find yourself anticipating just as eagerly as your in-game companion. Game Fan is the multi-colored sprinkles on this already-delicious cupcake of a game.

So anyway, the whole reason I'm making this post, other than to encourage DS owners to get a thoroughly awesome game, is that a sequel was released in Japan this past February, but the US publisher needs better sales before they can start on RGC2, if they get started at all. So buy a copy of Retro Game Challenge, and then buy a copy for a friend, to spread the joy.
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#amazonfail, the malice/negligence axis, and Americans' desperate need to be the underdog [Apr. 14th, 2009|02:30 am]
I know I'm behind the curve here, but I was thinking about #amazonfail last night at work while doing some MySQL fuckery. I hate working with MySQL because it's terrifying, obscure, and irreversible, and it occurred to me that all it would take was something like Bob the Data Entry Monkey writing an overly broad MySQL query like "drop table where CATEGORY='homo*';" while trying to remove homogenized milk from Amazon Grocery at 4:45 on a Friday evening with the drink specials a-callin', and all of a sudden the entirety of Amazon's immense product database has to be restored from last week's backups. And as it turned out, this is essentially what happened. It never pays to attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by negligence, unless you're feeding the martyr complex that seems endemic to the American psyche, the martyr complex that allowed Republicans to believe that, for the past eight years, they were simultaneously under cultural siege and ensconced in a permanent majority.

Think about it for just half a second, and you'll realize that it just doesn't make sense that Amazon, as a corporate entity, suddenly decided of an Easter Sunday to get in line with Fred Phelps. I don't mean to deny anyone their right to righteous indignation, but the key here is to be righteous, not self-righteous. Let me break it down for you: we here in the reality-based community are supposed to fit our conclusions to the facts, not the other way around, and in the face of insufficient information, we seek out the truth and withhold judgment until we find it.

So why didn't Amazon's explanations of their policy line up with their current explanation of what happened? Well, the initial queries were handled by front line, Tier 1 customer service agents. As you know, Bob, much of the grunt work of customer service these days is handled outside of the US, by agents in India or Nigeria, or at best in lower-income, lower-education areas of the US, like the deep South or the Midwest, by tired, lazy, overworked and under-appreciated datawallahs who are without an agenda more complex than getting through the goddamn day and going the fuck home just like you and me. It is entirely possible that customer service rep Ashlyn D is actually Asha Deepti of Bangalore, India, selecting her responses to ill-written, half-understood customer service queries from a drop-down menu for USD$6 an hour.

True story: When I worked at ThinkGeek, most of the customer service emails I received could be and were answered with form letters, with occasional tweaking for context. I'm a native (and I daresay quite talented) English speaker, with fairly strong communication and reading comprehension skills, and I still got myself in trouble with customers every now and then for misunderstanding an email and responding inappropriately. Once or twice, I even selected the wrong form response and sent off the email without noticing, which would result in bafflement or even indignation.

And why doesn't Amazon, seemingly so competent in so many other areas, have their taxonomic shit straight? How can one poorly-chosen click fuck up nearly sixty thousand listings? People make mistakes, and the bigger the system, the bigger effect that seemingly tiny mistakes can have. My guess is that, like every other successful website (and I'd presume many other successful non-internet-centric businesses), Amazon's infrastructure is not so much a structure as an accretion, more like coral than a prefab house, the extent of which no one person understands or could understand in its entirety due to its growth outstripping and continuing to outstrip the most optimistic predictions, and seemingly simple mistakes -- or even correct actions -- within that system can have entirely unexpected and wide-ranging consequences that can't be easily rolled back. It's easy to spill the sugar bowl, not so easy to find every single grain of sugar and put it back in the bowl. Roll in the tired-lazy-overworked-under-appreciated datawallah factor, and I'm surprised things like this don't happen more often. In fact, they probably do, just not on an Easter Sunday when nobody is in the office.

Anyway, I'm sorely disappointed. It's all well and good to declare your support for local booksellers and independent online businesses, and it's not like anyone owes Amazon-the-company some sort of customer loyalty, but it just seems like people were way too willing to believe that Amazon Doesn't Care About Gay People without due diligence, or relying on others for due diligence. I expect this sort of conspiracy theorizing and conclusion jumping from the wingnuts, not my progressive brothers and sisters as a greater whole and certainly not my personal friends and acquaintances, most of whom have intimate experience with complex, uncooperative, unknowable systems of one sort or another. I know you had fun being part of an angry mob, just for a little while, but it's time to get back to actually knowing things now. That's all.
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Oliver Harlan Silverman-Fried [Mar. 23rd, 2009|07:30 pm]
What a fucking great name, no?

3/23/09 5:22 am
6lbs 14oz

Congratulations to my brother and my sister-in-law! I'll post a photo as soon as he puts one up on flickr or I get permission to upload one of the ones I've already received.
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